Image: Eglė Plytnikaitė
Because the patriarchy doesn’t retire—and neither do we.
If feminism is a superpower, my origin story started with a toilet.
I had just bought my first house. When getting some work done in my bathroom, the plumber asked me if he should call later and explain the details to my husband when he got home. First, I’m not married. Second, I’m not an idiot. He was installing a toilet, not lecturing on waste management theory.
I’m still annoyed 20 years later.
But my story isn’t unique. It’s one women have dealt with forever—whether it was an ignorant plumber or a misogynistic boss calling them “Sweetie” with a wink.
That’s why feminism in middle age still matters—because women always matter.
We reject the myth that our best years are behind us. For decades we’ve been underestimated, undervalued, and told to shrink—our voices, our waistlines, our desires, our goals. Society hopes we’ll quietly fade as we age.
We refuse.
Because you know what gets better with age? Wine. Cast iron skillets. And a strong, confident woman.
When we’re younger, we think we know what we want—a great career, possibly a partner without mommy issues, and perky boobs. Now? We know what we want—food and drinks enjoyed without guilt, goals that excite us, people who energize us … and fine, maybe boobs that don’t get caught in our Spanx.
Midlife isn’t our landing. It’s our launch.
We refuse to be boxed in by labels. Emotional. Bossy. Meek. Icy. Dramatic. Hormonal. Old. When women take a step outside the boxes society builds for us, we’re met with judgment and backlash.
We’re emotional? Good. Bossy? Even better. If we cry because the bakery ran out of cronuts, we’ll cry. If we take the lead on a project because everyone else is dragging their feet, be grateful someone’s getting it done.
Try to confine a strong woman and she’ll only get stronger. We lead with lived experience and don’t shrink because it makes others uncomfortable. We might post a rant that lands us on the front page of Reddit—hand-flailing glory included.
No apologies.
Middle age doesn’t make us invisible. It makes us invincible.
We decide when to say no. From the “you can have it all” myth to the “lean in” movement, we’ve seen what happens when women are talked over, told their “role,” or had their wants and needs ignored.
So we tried to do it all like some sort of Superwoman—but one with three kids, a morning commute, and an addiction to Trader Joe’s hummus.
“Having it all” came with a cost: stress, loss of self, exhaustion from being everything for everyone. We went from burning bras to burning out.
Now? We choose what matters. Skip the HOA meeting to finish that book. Leave the chili at the company potluck for a family lunch in the park. Take the nap. Just because we can do it all, doesn’t mean that we should.
We’re done asking for permission.
We reject the idea that our bodies are battlegrounds. Unrealistic beauty standards don’t disappear with age—they change. Older men are called “distinguished.” Older women have “let themselves go.” Extra weight, extra skin, a few extra lines, and gray hairs? Go to the back of the line.
Three words: What. The. Hell?
The older we get, the more we appreciate what our bodies have done—and can still do. And like the one lonely houseplant we’ve somehow kept alive, we learn that giving our bodies what they need works better than punishing them for what they want.
We challenge the idea that youth, beauty, and thinness equate to worth and value. Every scar, wrinkle, pound, and gray hair tells a story of resilience and strength.
We own it—and look damn good doing it.
We refuse to relinquish our power. The glass ceiling may be cracked, but it’s far from shattered. Women over 45 still earn just 72 cents on the dollar compared to men. Promotions pass us by while we’re working harder, smarter, and carrying entire teams.
We sit in the same meetings.
We deal with the same customers.
All while listening to Chad from marketing eat lunch like a raccoon in a trash can.
We channel that frustration into change. We lift each other up. We amplify voices across generations and backgrounds. We are women, hear us roar—and also invoice you for our expertise.
We will not smile on command.
We will not accept society’s labels designed to confine us.
We will not explain basic concepts to men who assume we’re idiots.
We will not apologize for taking up space we’ve earned.
We will not fade quietly into anyone’s background.
We are done being polite about our own power.
The plumber can call back when he’s ready to talk to the homeowner.
That’s us.
And we’re here to stay.
Where have you been all my life?! I’ve just signed up and I’m already in love. Thank you for your wise, empowering format! Love this.
I’m 65 years old with two 40-something daughters. I can’t wait to tell them about this publication (website? blog? holy grail?)
Looking forward to so much more . . .
Hi Robin, Welcome to our community! At 65, you’re hitting our sweet spot – the age when we stop apologizing for having opinions and start using them as power. Your daughters are lucky to have a mom who’s still curious, still growing, and definitely not done yet. I just turned 65 and decided to build this thing – because as you said, there is nothing like this out there for us!
And yes, we’re part website, part holy grail, part digital rebellion against the idea that women over 50 should disappear quietly. Stick around – we’re just getting started.
Thanks for finding us. And please share with all your friends and drop into my inbox and let me know what you want to see more of … —susan
Hi Robin,
Thank you so much for reading my piece and becoming part of the PROVOKED family!
Great article, even better magazine. I’m new to Provoked . I’m almost 67 and have always enbraced aging. When a woman is in her child-bearing years, she has the power within her to create and sustain life. If she doesn’t get pregnant, some of that rich menstral blood leaves her since there was no creation or need to sustain. In menapause, we hold onto to the richness. We have the power to create and sustain life – our own. To My Sister Crones – own this time of life, be proud, be grateful!
Hi Pamela,
We’re so happy to have you—and your wisdom—here with us. Thanks so much for reading, commenting, and being a part of our community!
First time here & loving this article! Will be back for more 🙂
Welcome Tammi! We’re so glad to have you here and promise you won’t be disappointed. Thanks for taking the time to read and leave a comment. We appreciate you!
I hope that a l that a guy can be here because I have always been a strong supporter of strong women ever since middle school when we were having a discussion typical of the age group, but I always thought “why can’t a women do anything they want… like being in the service, working out even thought back then… president… and my list went on… I am 57 so you get the timeline… this article is excellent…
Hi Jim. Absolutely! We’re happy to have you here. I LOVE your comment and that you use your voice to help everyone, regardless of gender, age, or…anything. 🙂 I appreciate your kind words and am glad this article hit home for you!
I LOVE this article! It gives voice to so much that we women “of a certain age” have to deal with, and have had to deal with for too long, no matter what the men say. We need to reclaim our own inner Goddess, especially in our crone years when the child-rearing is behind us and we have gleaned all that wisdom from those years. We all are Wise Women, when we allow ourselves to be.
Yes! This is just what I wanted to hear when I was writing this piece. (Even though I have no kids, so the wisdom I’ve gleaned may be different from others.) Regardless of age or situation, we all have the power to take up space and be heard. Thanks for having YOUR voice heard here!
Empowering! Loved it!
You give meaning to the phrase, “I am woman, hear me roar!”
Keep it up 💗
love it! Chad eating like a raccoon bwahaha.
Thanks Wendee. That means a lot coming from you!
love love love this…..oh my word…still laughing…so hard!!!!!!!!!!
This article is fantastic. Thanks for sharing it.
Thank you! All credit goes to our writer Abby—she absolutely nailed it. Abby has this incredible wry humor and sees the world through such a smart, shrewd lens that cuts right to it. There’s something so powerful about reading truths laid out this clearly, isn’t there? If you loved this, definitely check out her other piece under humor—it’s a true jolt of truth and humor combined that’ll have you nodding and laughing in equal measure. —susan
Many of my friends are younger than me – I’m 66. Today I went to lunch with women who are my seniors. The youngest one was about my age. It was so affirming and refreshing! I felt physically comfortable with them. I saw myself in them. No worrying about looking old, or fat, or anything.
They’re capable women who travel and make art and enjoy food. I hope I am invited again.
This article was very much like my lunch and I thank you for that!
Amazing! And why wait? Invite them to the next lunch yourself 😉 Thanks so much for reading.
I LOVE this article and felt my energy rising as I read it. Thanks for voicing so much of what many of us are unable to articulate but know at a gut level.
Yes! I’m so glad this resonated with you.
Jane, That energy rising feeling? That’s exactly what happens when someone puts words to what you’ve been carrying around but couldn’t quite name. Abby nailed those gut-level truths we all recognize but struggle to articulate ourselves. There’s something so validating about reading it laid out so clearly—like finally having the language for what you’ve always known. Thanks for letting us know it hit you that way. That’s what great writing does. —susan
Excellent article Abby!! I think you got into the heads of many, many women.
I hope so—in a good way. 🙂 Thanks for reading!
GREAT article! Thank you for reminding us that we should be lifting each other up as we all have value. Thank you!!!
Absolutely! Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to comment.
Thank you for this! “We will not apologize for taking up the space we have earned!” This right here is exactly what I needed today.
Yes! Go claim that space, Marcy. Thank you for reading!
Finally!! My emotions in print! So powerful and empowering, thank you, Abby for expressing the truth that so many women are embracing!
This made my day! I am not alone!
Hi Diane,
Wow. This comment made MY day! Thank you so much for your kind words and I’m so glad that this hit home for you.