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Midlife women are told to reclaim their power by traveling solo. But what if it doesn’t feel freeing—what if it feels isolating instead?
You know how, as women in general, you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t? Have children, you’re selfish. Don’t have children, you’re selfish. Choose your career, you’re cold. Choose to be a stay-at-home mom, you’re lazy. The list goes on. And the older we get, the more these judgments seem to pile up, threatening to crush us. Women over 50 can’t do right for doing wrong.
That’s likely one reason behind the recent trend of women traveling alone. It feels freeing, right? And of course, women should be able to go wherever we want, whenever we want, with or without company. But this trend goes a step further. It suggests that we shouldn’t just accept traveling alone—we should love it.
But what if we don’t love it? Where does all this solo travel empowering rhetoric leave those of us who actually enjoy having company?
The Case for Going Alone
The question of why women love solo travel isn’t hard to understand. According to The Gender Equity Policy Institute, women are still taking on the lion’s share of housework. We have 13 percent less free time than men, so it’s no wonder that many women want to go off and do something just for themselves—to find some peace and get away from the constant churn of chores at home.
Solo travel is seen as a bit of a middle finger to the patriarchy, a way of saying to the men in our lives, “I can do what I want. Deal with it.” But that narrative can make those of us who dislike traveling alone feel like we’re not bonding with the sisterhood, or worse, we’re anti-feminist. It starts to feel like we’re supposed to want this too, and if we don’t, we’re somehow against female empowerment.
Two Steps Forward and One Step Back
There used to be a certain stigma attached to female solo travelers, and—thank god—that’s almost completely evaporated. Solo Travel World found that the U.S. solo travel market is expected to rise 12.4 percent between 2025 and 2030. Women who travel alone are no longer seen as someone to be pitied—they’re brave, they’re strong. But could we be in danger of the pendulum swinging too far in the other direction? Is the stigma now transferred to those who don’t enjoy traveling solo?
We’re still grappling with who we “should” be as women, and even amongst this revolution of solo travel and women breaking free of convention, we’re still somehow judging each other.
Here’s What’s True for Me
Traveling alone makes me sad and traveling with others makes me happy. I know plenty of women love solo travel and have dived headfirst into this trend. They feel more like their true selves and find it freeing, and that’s great.
But I’ve tried it. As a travel writer sometimes it’s been a necessity.
And I haven’t enjoyed it.
As I’ve gone through menopause and reached the age of 54, I’ve lost confidence along the way. While some women will tell you traveling alone has brought their lost confidence back, for me it does the opposite. When I’m alone, I’m somehow less sure. Is this the right train? Is this the right way to the museum I have tickets for at 10 a.m.? Am I walking down the right street and what am I doing here anyway?
I hate going down to breakfast and dinner by myself. To me, food is about eating meals together. It’s a social activity. I love chatting over a glass of wine and a good meal.
There are also the practical issues of solo travel. I’m fairly small in stature, and try as I might, I can’t lift my carry-on case up to the overhead lockers on the plane. And when I’m waiting around in airports with my luggage and I need the bathroom, which I know I will, I either have to ask some stranger to watch my stuff or attempt to cram it into the stall with me. Neither of these options fill me with much joy or positivity.
Choose Your Own Adventure
One of the greatest, most wonderful parts of traveling, for me, is sharing my experiences with someone I’m close to—watching the sunsets together, trying out new foods and telling each other what we think, discovering hidden bays together, and building memories we can share for years to come.
And I’m tired of being made to feel wrong for not jumping on the bandwagon. I can resist the flow. I can stay in the lane where I feel comfortable if I want to. It doesn’t make me less adventurous or dampen my spirit. If anything, getting older is about finally choosing to do what pleases ourselves—instead of everyone else around us.
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