More midlife women than ever are quietly draining savings, delaying retirement, and sacrificing earning power to care for aging parents and partners. Here’s how to protect your financial future.
Nearly four years ago, Alyson Austin moved from California to Maine to take care of her 90-year-old mother. The move cost her $10,000. Then came the stairlift, medical equipment, and repairs to a house that had fallen into disrepair while her mother aged inside.
“I’ve all but stopped adding money to my retirement savings,” said the 57-year-old, who owns a public relations firm. “I simply don’t have enough extra money every month.” She’s grateful for retirement plans from previous corporate jobs—without them she wouldn’t survive. “I had a carefree life before taking on this role. It’s a big change.”
The emotional toll of caregiving gets plenty of attention these days. The financial toll? That’s the part women absorb in silence. They quietly give up income, retirement security, and career leverage, often without realizing it. They drain their future to meet present expectations, because being a “good daughter” or partner still trumps financial self-protection.
Even when caregiving is driven by love, it’s still a trap.
Women Are Paying the Price
According to AARP, 78 percent of caregivers report having out-of-pocket expenses as a result of caregiving, spending around 26 percent of their income on those expenses—roughly $7,200 a year nationwide. And it doesn’t end there. Around 24 percent used up short-term savings, while others said they’ve taken on more debt, delayed retirement, or were facing housing instability as a result of caregiving.
Women make up 59 percent of the nation’s 37 million eldercare providers, and what starts out as occasionally helping becomes an ever-increasing list of tasks stretching to every corner of their life—including their finances. Out-of-pocket expenses can include everything from home modifications and rent or mortgage payments for a loved one to medical equipment, in-home care, everyday personal care items, and hospital and doctor co-pays. The list is long and the impact is immediate—less money for emergency funds and retirement savings.
But the costs go deeper.
It’s Not What You Spend
“The biggest financial shock isn’t what caregivers spend—it’s what they stop earning,” said Linda Jensen, CEO and founder of Heart Financial Group. Reducing work hours, stepping away from a job, or passing on promotions can lower today’s take-home pay and permanently reduce lifetime earnings. That can mean smaller retirement plan contributions, missed employer matches, and lower future Social Security benefits.
It also affects health insurance, disability coverage, and career momentum. Even a short pause creates long-term damage, especially for women in their 40s, 50s, and early 60s, when earnings and retirement savings should be peaking.
And sometimes a pause isn’t a pause. Research found that women who left the workforce in their 50s to provide care rarely got full-time job offers when they tried to return. Even if stepping away feels temporary, it almost never is.
Amy Goyer, AARP National Family and Caregiving Expert, ended up in bankruptcy after more than a dozen years caring for multiple family members at once. Her advice now: Get a financial advisor to look at what you can realistically afford and what you can’t.
It’s often better to open a new credit card in your loved one’s name, than yours. Medical equipment can sometimes be financed over time. Home modifications might be covered by a home equity line.
Support doesn’t have to mean financial rescue. Many adult children step in emotionally, logistically, and financially without pausing to define boundaries. Helping with care coordination or advocacy doesn’t automatically mean paying out of pocket. But caregivers get so caught up in what needs to be done that their own finances become a distant second.
Nothing prepared Miriam Lawson for the financial unpredictability of becoming her father’s primary caregiver three years ago. What she initially budgeted for co-pays and groceries quickly expanded. In 2024 alone, she spent more than $8,000 on unforeseen home modifications and specialized transportation—including a walk-in shower with grab bars that cost nearly $5,000, which was 60 percent of her emergency fund. That’s money that should’ve gone into retirement.
Determined to avoid that kind of strain again, she set up a separate savings account dedicated to caregiving expenses and now contributes $400 a month. “Doing this removed the constant financial anxiety and allowed for more structured decision making.”
The Boundary No One Wants to Set
Caregiving is an act of love. It’s also an act of economics. And the math doesn’t change no matter how much you care.
Women are conditioned to absorb the costs—financial, professional, emotional—without naming them as costs at all. To step back, to set a financial boundary, to say, “I can’t afford this” feels like admitting you don’t love enough. But draining your retirement to prove you’re a good daughter doesn’t make you noble. It makes you broke.
The truth is, you can love someone deeply and still protect your future. You can be present without being financially ruined. The question isn’t whether you care. It’s whether you’re willing to set a boundary that keeps both of you safe.
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