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What Europeans Get Right About Fashion, Comfort, and Feminism
I recently came home from nearly three weeks in Europe with my sister. Everything from the people to the food to the history amazed us—as did the fashion. The women seemed to dress effortlessly and elegantly in a way that didn’t ask for attention but somehow got it. Especially from me. It had me wondering: Why do American women, myself included, come across as such schleppers when we travel?
Have we been mistaking “comfort clothing” for some kind of body-positive, feminist ideal? If so, that’s a bill of goods I’m no longer buying.
Why European Women Make It Look So Easy
In Budapest, I watched 70 year olds glide through the streets in slicked-back hair and bold colors, exuding a youthful confidence. In Vienna, a woman in red lipstick and kitten heels wasn’t looking for male approval. She was claiming her right to take up space. In Prague, a group of young moms sat in a café wearing wrap dresses and matching short sets while their equally well-dressed toddlers snacked nearby.
That’s when it hit me: European women dress well because dressing well isn’t seen as vanity, but as self-respect. It’s also a sign of social consideration. Looking put together signals that you care about yourself and the people around you.
Me? Not so much.
Early on, I realized I’d packed all the wrong clothes. Grays, blacks, and whites. Pants and tops. Not a single dress in my suitcases. The truth is, I’m no fashionista. As a freelance writer who works from home, it takes a lot for me to put together a “good” outfit. But I felt it wasn’t just my wardrobe that was lacking on this trip, it was my effort. For the first time ever, I felt influenced by the women around me.
So I did something uncharacteristic: I shopped. I ended up with not one, not two, but four new dresses. Before my splurge, I trudged across cobblestone streets in saggy black linen pants and a dull gray tank (my go-to uniform for errands). Afterward, I was posing in front of castles and bridges in bright, flowy dresses, feeling like some upgraded version of myself. Was it the clothes? The cities? Or something more subversive?
Because here’s what became very clear: European women don’t just wear clothes, they inhabit them. Young or old, tall or short, no matter their size, there’s a cultural ease to how they dress. It’s not performative or apologetic. It’s confident. And that confidence struck me as quietly radical, and dare I say, feminist.
Feminism and fashion have a long history which at times was restrictive and at other times empowering. But at its core, feminism is about agency. And agency includes the right to dress in a way that makes you feel confident, beautiful, and authentic.
As a feminist, I had to ask myself: Did I miss that memo?
Dressing Well Is a Radical Act
In the U.S., women are constantly fed contradictory messages about … everything. (Remember America Ferrera’s Barbie monologue?) The fashion version might go something like: Dress for success, but don’t look too sexy. Be body positive, but also buy shapewear to smooth out your “problem areas.” Grow old gracefully, which apparently now means starting Botox by the time you’re 30.
Still, we can’t be too pretty, or too smart, or too well-dressed for fear of being misperceived in some way.
Maybe because America has always been a patriarchy with Puritan roots, we’ve been conditioned to view modesty and minimalism as virtuous, and to judge a well-dressed woman as either frivolous or calculating. So we celebrate comfort as if it’s a political stance. Leggings and a hoodie almost seem defiant, a faux feminist statement that looks don’t matter. But let’s be honest: This so-called comfort is more of a default. It’s ease without intention. Fashion without thought. It’s as if caring is trying too hard, and haven’t we all had that concern?
Like many women, I absorbed a lot of this through pop culture. Remember the show What Not to Wear? Its agenda was clear: transform women to “dress for success” in all areas of their life. Truth be told, my daughter and I would fantasize about me being on that show so that hosts Stacy London and Clinton Kelly could whip me up into the best dressed me that I could possibly be.
Now we have Dress However the F You Want—same hosts, new title with a seemingly rebellious response to the original show. But maybe it still misses the point. The real question isn’t what we wear. It’s why did we ever need permission to wear what we want in the first place?
European women don’t seem to have that issue. They don’t dress well despite feminism, they dress well because of it. They understand something many American women have forgotten: that showing up with intention isn’t vanity. It’s power. And there’s a quiet authority in caring about how you present yourself to the world.
I’m not saying we all need to start wearing sundresses to Trader Joe’s. But you might be surprised by how good you feel if you do. I’m discovering that dressing well—not for approval, not for attention, but for myself—actually changes the way I carry myself. It’s taken some practice but I’m finding my way.
It’s not fake. Or frivolous. It’s agency. And I’m here for it.
Your essay recalls the Italian concept of “la bella figura:” Recognizing that you owe both yourself and your audience your best look.
Americans in general have a lacksadasical and harried view on many parts of life, not just dressing. It is arrogant and presumptive, an attitude instilled in us by horrific mid 20th century parenting. It’s the same attitude that labels Americans as peasants by the French, stupid by the Germans, and uncouth by the Brits. Kids walk around in pajamas at the mall. People leave the house without bathing or brushing their teeth. People stuffing a whole meal into their mouths in under a half hour because they can’t be late back to work.
In a nutshell: Americans value money and how to show it off.
Europeans value people and how they contribute to a healthy and diverse society.
Carol, dressing with intention is just the tip of the iceberg, isn’t it? It reflects a bigger cultural divide in how we approach daily life, ritual, and even self-respect. The pajama-at-the-mall epidemic says a lot about what we value (or don’t). I think you’re right that Europeans often frame presentation as part of community and culture, while Americans lean harder into speed, money, and convenience. It raises the bigger question: what are we saying about ourselves — and to each other — when we stop caring how we show up in the world? Thank you for sharing your provocative POV.—susan
Thank you for your thought provoking, influencing and retrospective article. You nailed it! 💗
For the first time in years, I’ve begun to really think about my clothing choices again. I stuggle with body image and, for ages, have chosen clothing to make me as invisible as possible. I think it would feel good to look nice for a change. Thanks for the article!
Hi Amy, I love hearing this. Choosing to show up instead of shrink back is such a powerful shift. Clothes aren’t just fabric — they’re a way of saying “I’m here” when the world wants us invisible. Cheering you on as you take up that space.—susan
Whoah! Thank you for the validation ♡
This has been my saving grace as I find the real me after the storm.
YES!!! Hell, yes…
dress with intention!
And…
live with intention!
die with intention!
Yes,
yes,
YES — intention in every part of life. That’s the real rebellion. Thrilled this piece gave you that validation — you’re living proof that after darkness, we get to choose how we show up.
—susan
I LOVE this article! It has always been important to me to look my best, maybe because I grew up with very little and was always envious of girls who “had style”. I was taught to clean up and look my best with what I had and it was a mindset that I have always carried. Not for others, but FOR ME. I became my own little “style icon” once I could afford more, even when I sewed my own clothing. Then buying what I love, accesssorizing, and enjoying being able to express myself. Not as someone who adores designers, not always spending lots of money, but just someone who puts in the effort. I commend women who go boldly on their way, scantily dressed or mis-matched, but I’ve never felt value in going out looking like I just got out of bed. It tells others “ I don’t care what you think”, but also “ I just don’t care”. Everyday life presents us with enough negativity, why draw more? Why not be THAT person who exudes the power to draw positivity and maybe even a little envy? Why not experience a little personal “high” when you receive a compliment? I’ll take positivity anytime I can get it, in whatever small dose. It’s not dressing for others, it’s FOR ME!
OMG, this has been my mantra since I turned 50 – I am an unapologetic middle-aged woman, wearing bold, mismatched, and whatever I want, for whatever occasion. I feel confident enough to put myself first and not worry about others’ judgment. The time for that is well and truly over in my life.
Yours sincerely!
I’ve never quite understood the need to literally hobble one’s self with fashion. I dress to be able to move freely.
I think she explained it very well. “That’s when it hit me: European women dress well because dressing well isn’t seen as vanity, but as self-respect. It’s also a sign of social consideration. Looking put together signals that you care about yourself and the people around you.”
Yesssss!!!!
Great article. I agree with your assessment about European women. Most would never be caught dead in “athletic wear” in the food markets, or anywhere else, for that matter, other than while exercising. We lived in Europe for several years and even my husband commented then that women are not afraid of looking feminine in Europe. I take this comment as women are not afraid of looking confident, as you pointed out. Bravo for the observation. It reminds me to try to look(and feel) my best every day!
I retired over two years ago. This year, I dropped 35 pounds and made a vow to “dress with intention.” Every morning I wake up, shower, get dressed, put on makeup—and it makes me ridiculously happy. I do it for me. I’ve even created a file on my phone with screenshots of Instagram influencers whose style and outfits I admire. I often try to re-create them.
As a former fashion exec, style has always been in my DNA. What I didn’t expect? The side-eye and backhanded compliments from other women. “Sit down. Tell us what you’re doing—why do you look so good?” as though it’s a crime to care about your appearance. Or, is it a direct insult to them to not mirror the way that they look?
So tell me—when exactly did it become acceptable to stop giving a damn? And sorry, but I’m not trading my style and happiness for an elastic waistband, leggings and a Chico’s loyalty card anytime soon.
Love this so much — and the way you’ve made it about you first, not about anyone else’s approval. That’s the point of dressing with intention: claiming joy, identity, and agency in how we show up in the world.
And yes, the side-eye is real. It’s wild how caring about your appearance can suddenly be read as competitive or even offensive, especially among women who once celebrated each other’s style. Maybe it’s easier for some to mock than to admit they’ve stopped giving a damn.
I dropped a bunch of weight over the past two years, and it has been liberating to circle back into my closet and buy a few new things that are much more thoughtful about how I want to present myself. Keep doing what makes you happy. Your refusal to trade in your agency for an elastic waistband is inspiring. Thank you! —susan
I agree with you 100%! And major mazels on the weight loss!
Although I have to laugh. 99.9% of my wardrobe is thrifted/secondhand (all quality pieces well chosen), and a few Chico’s and Eileen Fishers have slipped in 😉
I’m 56 and went dancing with a friend a few months ago. I joked in a Facebook post, “I’m young enough to still go dancing until 1:30 am, but old enough that I wore Chico’s and Eileen Fisher to the club.”
I’ve always been a blue jeans kind of gal but when I moved to Florida at 70, I changed. Now, I’m a dress person. So much better in the humid heat. For me, dressing with intention includes comfort.-so flowing dresses in natural fabrics. I didn’t think that was radical but I get so many compliments which wasn’t my intention.
Isn’t it funny how a simple shift—like swapping jeans for dresses—can feel so right in a new chapter? Comfort is intentional, especially when it’s rooted in knowing what works for your body and your life. And the compliments? Just confirmation that your style is speaking, even when you’re not trying to. As a girl who has spent decades in Houston’s humidity and heat, I too learned that dresses can be a flattering, cool, and conversation worthy choice. In some ways, dresses are easier. One piece on, and you are done. —susan
Touché! Dress for comfort and style. I am an artist and jewelry designer and I love to travel. I too have a “black & white” wardrobe but, I accessorize with bold pieces to make my personal statement. Patterned big leg pants with a solid top and a statement necklace work well for me. I also love scarves which add color and pattern, and can serve as a wrap for bare shoulders. Step away from the crowd and let your style voice sing!
Yes! Love how you’re using bold accessories and pattern to make your style personal and powerful. I love a statement necklace— these pieces are such a smart way to elevate a classic base—especially when traveling. And scarves? Yes. Please! Functional and fabulous. Here’s to stepping out of the crowd! —susan
I had a ittle clothing shop in Charleston where I created capsule wardrobes for women who had full lives and just needed looks that flowed from one portion or their day smoothly into the next.
Separates create more looks, and don’t need to be formulaic, leggings and a tee. Layering creates interest and makes the look your own.
I find dresses limiting, but when the heat is on, a one piece solution is heavenly.
I have How to Dress Cool in the Heat experience on http://www.thingstodoinCharleston.com for women living or spending time in the sultry South.
Thanks Anita, what a gift you gave your clients—helping them build wardrobes that matched the pace and complexity of real life. Totally agree: being a separates girl mostly — they offer flexibility and layering adds personality.
Would love to hear more about the capsule combos you created. Which pieces were your the favorites? —susan
You say that for the first time ever, you felt influenced by the women around you. I can’t believe that!
I get this! When we dress with mediocrity, we protect a mediocre mind set. No one need feel threatened. When we dress with self love and intention, we task the women in our sphere to do better. It’s a thorn in their side, so to speak! I appreciate your thoughtful comment!
Since retiring 8 years ago, my uniform has been t-shirts and jogging pants….until recently. I discovered a great IG account – stasiasavasuk. She finds great thrift store clothes and creates the most wonderful outfits. Her attitude about dressing as we get older has been such a boost and now I love my clothes/shoes closet. It’s fun to get dressed for even a quick trip to the grocery store.
Hi Judith, Love this! Isn’t it amazing how one fresh perspective can completely shift how we see our closets—and ourselves? I love that you’re finding joy in getting dressed again, even for the little things. It’s not about impressing anyone—it’s about expressing who you are now. Thanks for sharing the IG account. I just checked Stasia out. Wow, she is so fun and real. Thanks for sharing! —susan
I am boggled with the words used here, as if you cannot dress with intent and wear black linen pants or jeans or a hoodie.
“Well dressed”: what does that mean?? They are not words that matter to me.
Maybe these words just hit me wrong this morning.
Love what Roberta said above in the comments.
I wear clothing that is clean, comfortable and suits my mood and task at hand, as this is dressing with intent. I have been irritated my entire life with clothes and some of my best times were when I wore a uniform daily. In fact, I may return to that if/when I decide what that looks like for me now, close to retirement.
Maybe there are others like myself who also find clothes, and others’ judgement of them, irritating.
100% agree with you!
Hello, I hear you. But I do think there’s definitely more nuance here. The author is saying that you can absolutely dress with intent in black linen pants, jeans, or even a hoodie; intention isn’t tied to a specific style or garment. It’s about choosing consciously rather than defaulting to what’s easiest or most comfortable without thought. Dressing intentionally can be clean, casual, and simple—what matters is that it feels purposeful for you. “Well Dressed” means feeling good about what pull out of your suitcase to wear on a trip. In our writer’s case, she didn’t feel good. Is there a line between well dressed and sloppy? Does too comfortable = sloppy?
You’re also onto something important: the phrase “well dressed” can mean radically different things to different women—and it’s fascinating (and maybe even triggering) to unpack why. The idea of being “well dressed” carries baggage around class, wealth, legacy, body expectations, and societal definitions of taste. For many women, it triggers feelings of judgment or inadequacy because it suggests a right or wrong way to show up in the world. Maybe the deeper question is: Who gets to decide what “well dressed” even means? That is what irritates women our age most I think—women judging other women on what to wear.
I love the idea of exploring this further—why the phrase stirs us up, why we react strongly to it, and how we might redefine it in a way that frees rather than confines us. You’ve inspired an article here—thanks for that!
Your article reminds me why I love this IG account, The Elegant Stylist- https://www.instagram.com/theelegantstylist?igsh=MTV2ZmVwYTAxcGRqMw==
Dressing with intention happens about every 3rd day for me. I’m working on it.
Hey Belinda, Love this! Dressing with intention every third day totally counts. We are looking for progress not perfection, right? But seriously, whenever I see you, you always look confident and thoughtful. Thanks for the IG rec, too—checking her out now! Keep sharing what’s working for you! —s.
As a 71 year young woman of Transgender persuasion, I dress for intent every day. Not being “allowed” to express myself the way I wished for 68 years provided all the impetus for the dress collection I draw from daily. From flowing sun dresses to skirted business suits, I have and wear it all, and clearly don’t give a F what anyone thinks.
Roberta, Dressing with intention every day is powerful enough, but to do it with authenticity, joy, and a healthy dose of IDGAF? You’re inspiring us to show up exactly as we want to. You waited a long time to dress authentically for yourself, and I’m so glad you’ve arrived—keep that agency and energy going.—susan
As a professional photographer, I teach clients how dressing up for their session can transform how they feel about themselves, in the photographs and in real life.
Yes, exactly. There’s real power in how we present ourselves—it’s not about vanity, it’s about visibility. Dressing up can shift energy, posture, even confidence. And photographs capture that. You’re not just documenting an image—you’re helping someone see themselves in a new light. That’s transformative. Thanks for sharing through your lens 📸 your professional experience and take on this. —susan
I semiretired and gave black capris and baggy tee shirts a go. I felt miserable and messy. I’m still trying to find my sartorial way after years in corporate life but making ‘comfort’ the ONLY thing that matters isn’t for me.
I, too, dress with intention every day. It sets my mood.
And, people notice!
Nice!!
Totally hear you Patricia. Comfort matters, but when it becomes the whole story, something gets lost—structure, personality, power. After years of dressing with purpose, it’s jarring to suddenly feel shapeless. I think a lot of us are rewriting the rules right now: less rigid than corporate, but still put-together enough to feel like ourselves. Sartorial limbo is real—but at least we’re not settling for sloppy. Check back with us and share what IS working for you. I know many of our readers are in the same boat. —susan
They also wear the same outfit many more times, so they can afford something of good quality. I’m working on paring down my wardrobe, and it’s a chore!
Rae, I agree with you. Europeans tend get more wear out of their clothes. I am also working hard to constantly cull things out of my closet. I definitely buy with intention now, and don’t buy anything that is fast fashion. I do have some things in my closet that I have had for 20 years+ that I still wear. And, I buy almost all of my higher end designer pieces from consignment shops and websites like The Real Real. I also do a quarterly purge with The Real Real and love that extra income. It is like it’s own closed-loop ecosystem – I buy from consignment – I wear – I sell back to consignment- sometimes even the same garment. I also have a rule. With every single item that comes in, two must go out. Thanks for sharing.—susan
That’s what I’m working on too! Thank you so much for the validation.
I have always dressed with intent, even on the weekends. It just makes me feel good
I, too, dress with intention every day. It sets my mood.
And, people notice!
Nice!!
Same! I dress to express myself, set an expectation for how I expect to be treated, for fun, out of respect for the people I am with/encounter/are hosting me, for so many reasons.