Image: Kotryna Zukauskaite
Women over 50 are done playing nice. They’re breaking rules, taking risks, and putting themselves first—and they’re loving every minute of it.
“Can you please not hold hands or kiss in public? You’re freaking us out!” was the plea from her grown kids, said Tara, 55. Divorced for almost a decade, Tara had unexpectedly, uninhibitedly, and exuberantly fallen in love again—with a woman. “I sure didn’t see this coming, but I don’t care what my kids— or anyone else, for that matter—think,” she insisted. “I deserve this happiness. Deal with it!”
Welcome to the IDGAF (that’s “I don’t give a f*ck”) years. Whether it’s about whom you kiss, how you dress, or what your priorities are, women over 50 are tossing societal expectations overboard, reclaiming their space, and rewriting the rules in a rebellious new way.
Bye-bye, decorum! Hello, freedom, badassery … and perhaps a little bit of danger.
Why 50 Is the Perfect Age to Lose Your Filter
By the time we reach our 50s, we’ve been jumping through society’s hoops for decades. We came of age aspiring to “have it all”—remember this perfume ad? And, unlike younger generations who had the #metoo movement, we navigated those awkward “Won’t you join me for dinner?” workplace requests with a stilted smile. We’ve likely been up at 2 a.m. finishing work because we stayed home with a puking kid. We sat in misery as our elderly parent flunked the “remember these three words” test. We organized, analyzed, and completed whatever the world asked of us—only to wonder, “Where the heck am I in all this? What about me?”
This reckoning moment operates pretty much on a timetable: It’s called the U-bend of life. “Our sense of well-being starts out higher in early adulthood, then decreases, hitting bottom around the early 50s,” said Mindy Greenstein, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and co-author of Lighter as We Go: Virtues, Character Strengths, and Aging, before it climbs again. We come into our own in our 50s, having proved our mettle at juggling all of life’s responsibilities. Plus, we start recognizing our mortality. It’s the time to go full carpe diem (that’s “seize the day,” in case you’ve forgotten your Dead Poets’ Society dialog).
Also, becoming invisible (especially to the male gaze) as we age can light an IDGAF fire under our collective butts. “I call it the ‘no f*cks given’ stage,” opined Ashton Applewhite, an activist and author of This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism. “There’s no such thing as age-appropriate anything. We gain power by showing up where and how we want and by speaking our mind.” Yup, the time to rise, shine, and rebel against living for others is now—or never.
She Did What?!: Real Women, Real Risk, Zero Regrets
Need some examples of this untamed “me first” vibe? Check out how women like you are showing their IDGAF stripes.
Sexual Healing
- “Met a hot 40 year old at a jazz bar and proceeded to make out with him on many and various streets. Have been dating him for a year now, age difference be damned.” – Clare, 59
- “I left my husband for my high school boyfriend. Why would someone 65 break up the family? To finally be treated right and rediscover my libido. Best thing I ever did, even with all the heartache and friends I lost.” – Maggie, 66
Older and Bolder
- “Against my husband’s wishes, I went to Costa Rica and did ayahuasca, a powerful hallucinogen. It was horrible (endless vomiting) but life-changing and brought me peace with my traumatic childhood.” – Amy, 57
- “I tackled my biggest fear—public speaking—by trying stand-up. I’m there on stage, with no makeup, talking about my ex and other private matters, but I love it! The rush from nerves and dopamine is amazing!” – Gini, 65
- “I went to a nude beach in the Caribbean, my first time at age 60. Feeling the breeze, sand, and water over every inch of my skin was fabulous. It’s not just for the hard-bodied young folk to enjoy.” – Sandra, 62
From Peacock Hair to Vegas Ink
- “I’d wanted crazy-colored hair since I was a teenager but was too timid; what would people think? I hit 50 and didn’t care about that anymore. I now have a head full of peacock colors—purple, blue, and green. I don’t mind the stares a bit.” – Peggy, 58
- “We had my daughter’s 30th birthday celebration in Vegas, and guess who came home with a tattoo? Me! Can’t wait to get another one, and if you think it looks stupid on a woman my age, just don’t look in my direction.” – Alison, 64
- “I bought myself a ridiculously expensive handbag. I’m embarrassed to say the brand or the price, but I always wanted one, and, hell, I could drop dead tomorrow. My kids say I’m spending their inheritance, lol.” – Debra, 65
No More Biting Our Tongues
- “I called my son on the carpet for mooching off me and not getting his act together. He’s almost 30, living at home, and needed to get off his ass. I felt like a complete b*%ch at first, but now I’m really into tough love.” – Ali, 64
- “I shamed my ex on social media. He had affairs and cheated me out of money, and I hated how he came off smelling like a rose. Despite the messages in my head to stay quiet, I didn’t, and it felt sooooo good!” – Samantha, 57
Not quite ready to dye your hair peacock blue or run off with your high school sweetheart? Here’s how to dip your toe into the IDGAF waters.
Summoning Your Midlife Mojo When You’re Scared Sh*%less
Maybe you’re not one of these women who so easily dives into IDGAF-ness. Here’s how to flex a bit of fearlessness:
- You’re never too old. Interrogate the little voice that says you shouldn’t do it because of your age. “There’s always someone older or younger than you who is doing something,” said Applewhite. “Question beliefs that hold you back and whether they need to be followed.”
- Dare, don’t doubt. Accept that you’re doing something daring and it may not go just the way you hoped; it’s okay! Give yourself credit for taking risks. “By second-guessing ourselves, we often keep ourselves from either enjoying the world or from making mistakes that we’ll learn from over time,” said Dr. Greenstein.
- Get a partner in crime. Want a(nother) piercing? Enlist your grown kid to go with you. Ready to grow out your gray? See if any friends want to join, and support each other on the journey.
- Screw Debbie Downer. “Anyone is saying it’s not okay for you to do something—wear a bikini or whatever—is not your friend,” said Applewhite. “F*ck ‘em!”
Let that be the rallying cry of your IDGAF era. Go ahead and break some rules. Are you ready to finally put yourself first?
What’s the first rule you’d break? Drop it in the comments—and then go live with it.
I am currently 71, but when I became a widow after 30 years, much of it h311, I needed to start over and rediscover who I am. Moved from NY to FL, cut my sit-on-it long hair to a pixie, colored the crown purple and the rest teal. Started wearing whatever I wanted on my own time (uniform at work), and slowly started rediscovering my creative outlets. Along the way I discovered that I am on the Ace spectrum (which explains a lot of the issues in my marriage), and am now retired, happily in a QPR with my best friend. People see us and assume we’re a nice lesbian couple. We’re not, but we don’t care what people think. We’re more like an old married couple – we do everything together, finish each others sentences and don’t have sex! 😉
Wow, Sylvia, You go! This is IDGAF energy in its purest form. Reinvention after loss, claiming your style, your identity, your relationships—on your own terms. What I love most is how unapologetically you’ve rewritten the script people try to hand women in their 70s. Let them guess. Let them label. Your life is yours. And that freedom? Is the point.—susan
I became a widow 5 years ago at 65. Combined with taking care of aging parents for several years before that, I’d already hit the IDGAF state. Makeup…gone. Pedicures…gone. I sold the house we’d lived in for 40 years and moved to a 55+ community. I’ve dated younger and older men. I take road trips alone when I want. I work part time and set my own schedule. My time is my own and I don’t share it with anyone if I don’t want to. I follow the decluttering mantra of only doing things that bring me joy. Right now I have a steady partner who is 5 years younger than me and as someone else commented, he says he’s never met a woman who is so intellectually and sexually exciting. Additionally, I’ve started a Substack blog and I’m meeting many like minded new friends.
Hi Cynthia, Thank you for sharing this—it’s such a powerful picture of combining reinvention with IDGAF. You’ve taken loss, caregiving, and all the weight that comes with those seasons, and turned it into freedom and joy on your own terms. I love that you’ve carved out a life where your time is fully yours and desire are still alive and well.Love to hear that you started a Substack blog. Leave us a comment on where to find you. You’re living proof that reinvention after 60 isn’t about slowing down, it’s about showing up. —susan
The last 7 years before my late husband died were all about him and his cancer, while he was not bedridden he was high maintenance especially emotionally. Losing him was of course tough but once i came out of the depth of grieving I felt liberated! It was my time for me! Two years later I met my now husband who is my greatest supporter, i wish someone like him for all women who are interested in hetro relationship. I was also determined not to become invisible and my purple hair is commented on every day by someone, including young women and men! BTW, we are both 78 and honestly I had never felt this liberated.
What a powerful journey! Thanks for sharing… I love that you claimed your time, your visibility, and your joy. Purple hair as a daily statement of “I’m still here” is brilliant—and I bet it sparks more than compliments, it sparks courage in others. And having a partner who lifts you up? That’s the dream. Liberation doesn’t have an age limit.—susan
I am 76 and speak my mind because I can. I would never hurt anyone’s feelings on purpose but I believe in honesty and if you fear the answer don’t ask the question! I am done being who others want or expect me to be, I am doing me and I love the freedom!
Love your spirit — unapologetic honesty and freedom are the real perks of this stage. You’re living proof that speaking your mind isn’t rudeness, it’s liberation. Inspiring.—susan
When I turned 50 I felt as though my life had new meaning. Kids grown, I was single ish and began the IDGAF era. Did alot of the things I wanted to try, even dated someone 14 years younger. I look back now as though being my “golden years. Age IS just a number but 20 years later it makes you stop and think. I had many different phases in my life and now I am more at peace.
I don’t put up with bad behavior anymore – from men and women. It filters out a lot of people, and my circle is much, much smaller, but it’s also so much more peaceful. Racism? Gone. Gaslighting? Done. Passive-aggressive patterns? Eliminated. Judgmental criticism constantly? See ya.
Hi, This is the life edit we all need to take note. A smaller, peaceful circle beats a big, drama-filled one every single time. “See ya” to all of it – what a gift you’ve given yourself. Quality over quantity for the win. —susan
Turning 73 in August and I have been intentionally single for 25 years now. I seem to attract the cheaters who later regret losing me and beg to take them back. IDGAF any more. After working 57 consecutive years, I finally retired in 2024. I love my financial independence, freedom, peace of mind and dating men my age who enjoy dining, wining, theater and dancing with me! The best part is that I’m also pursued by younger men who I pushed away due to big age differences. One was very persistent for more than 2 years and he was HOT!!! I gave in LOL. Every once in a while, I enjoy making love with this 43 year old who rocks my world any time I want!!! He’s built like a GOD and says he’s never had a woman like me who blows his mind sexually and intellectually!!! I am very private and discreet with my dating life.
Well, Damn! Lillian! Talk about redefining the rules! 🙌 Loving your vibe, your confidence, and your refusal to settle for anything less than what brings you joy. Hot younger men, financial independence, and zero regrets? Now THAT is how you do 73. Keep owning your truth, living boldly, and inspiring the rest of us to embrace life on our own terms!—susan
Love this! 65 here and rewriting the rules! No filter, no makeup and reinvent my look to “hippie” styles!
Cindy, YES! This is exactly what I’m talking about—you’re not asking permission, you’re just doing you. At 65, you’ve earned the right to dress however the hell makes you happy. “Hippie styles” at our age? I love it. Keep rewriting those rules and showing everyone else how it’s done. –susan