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Gray divorce brings freedom, heartbreak—and a financial hangover. Here’s how to recover, reset, and build a life that’s richer in every way.
Sometimes it’s not “till death do us part.” It’s “until we divorce, so we don’t kill each other.” Which, for many women, can be decades into a marriage. In fact, 36 percent of Americans getting divorced are 50 or older. Whether it’s due to growing apart or feeling like you’re living with a stranger after the kids leave, more women over 50 are stepping into their power and independence and reimagining a new life as gray divorce becomes more mainstream.
And while that may bring freedom, unraveling from your ex-spouse can be a dizzying, devastating debacle that tests you at every turn. It’s not just the emotional reckoning you have to deal with, either. You also have the financial aftermath.
Women face more economic uncertainty and financial loss during a gray divorce. After years of unpaid emotional labor (planning birthdays, making appointments), caregiving (kids and parents), and earning less (hello, gender pay gap), women’s lifetime earnings tend to be lower than men’s. That can have a direct impact on the ability to save and invest for retirement. So how do women start over after divorce and ensure they’re thriving and not just surviving?
Divorce Can Be Liberating … and Costly
Women’s roles in society have shifted, and many are waking up and wanting more. More life. More pleasure. More freedom. More joy. But the situations can be wildly different.
Kimberly Miller, Founder and Chief Divorce Educator of PartWise and a Certified Financial Planner and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, said that women over 50 going through a divorce typically fall into one of two categories: a stay-at-home parent who was focused more on caregiving than career, and glass ceiling breakers who were fighting the gender pay gap and focused on success.
For women in the former camp, fear can set in after putting their financial security in someone else’s hands. According to the Department of Labor, a mother’s lifetime earnings are 15 percent lower due to unpaid family caregiving. The good news is that if you were married for 10 years or more, you may qualify for some Social Security benefits on your ex’s record.
Women in the latter group may have been the primary breadwinner and can feel resentful having to support their soon-to-be ex-spouse. In either case, it’s essential to know your rights and what you’re entitled to based on state laws and whether you have a prenup in place.
Splitting Up More Than Just the Furniture
The most harrowing part of gray divorce can be splitting up retirement savings when you’re close to or even in retirement. Melissa McClary Davis, Founder and CEO of Wise Digital Marketing, went through a gray divorce three years ago, four days after her 29th wedding anniversary. Because she fell into the second camp that Miller described, it had a significant impact on her finances.
“As the breadwinner, I had to give up half of my IRA, forcing me to rethink my retirement strategy completely,” she said.
She’s not alone, either. A 2025 study from the Allianz Center for the Future of Retirement shows that 34 percent of divorced Americans say their divorce set back their retirement plans. You may need to split 401(k)s, IRAs, and pensions—and the tax implications can be brutal.
“My first recommendation is to work with a certified divorce financial analyst or some other specially trained financial professional who can take the 30,000-foot look at their finances, including tax implications of whatever settlement options may be offered,” said Mardi Winder-Adams, Certified Divorce Transition Coach at Positive Communication Systems.
Having a financial professional and not just an attorney can help you wade through the complexities and nuances so you can untangle your assets, liabilities, and property.
Your Post-Divorce Money Reset
Here’s how to get started with budgeting, saving, and revamping your investment strategy to help get you back on track.
1. New Life, New Budget
After a divorce, you may have half the resources and double the expenses. Ouch. Because it’s such a major overhaul, the first step is to create a new spending plan to reflect your new reality.
“Go back to basics. What will it look like when you’re single?” said Amy Irvine, Certified Financial Planner and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst at Rooted Planning Group.
Account for your basic expenses like housing, utilities, food, transportation, and health care. Irvine recommended looking at what resources you’ll have, such as Social Security, a pension, 401(k), or IRAs.
2. Retirement Catch-Up: Time to Get Risky
When you divorce after decades, it can be both a major financial and emotional setback. But you don’t have time to wait until you’re over the spell of grief.
Review your retirement assets and budget, and start to play catch-up. This can mean living on less, working longer, delaying Social Security, or even going back to work if you’re already retired. It may take some time and a whole lot of swearing, tears, and calls with your BFF, but you can do it.
“To get my retirement back on track after the divorce, I focused on rebuilding my credit, increasing my retirement contributions where possible, and I’m finalizing investing in property that could serve both as a home and a source of rental income,” said McClary Davis.
This step is key, as you may be close to or already living off of your assets. Look at your time horizon and plan accordingly. Get out of your comfort zone and research different types of investments that can help you recharge your retirement.
“You have to start learning about calculated risks in investments … and thinking through how you’re going to make your assets, whatever they look like after divorce, work for you,” said Miller.
3. Assemble Your Divorce Dream Team
Gray divorce grief can leave you in a blur—which is why you need the right team to help identify potential blind spots in your plan.
“It’s really important to not put your head in the sand,” said Irvine. Instead consider, “Who needs to be on my team to make sure that I can walk away from this without looking back on it five years later, and say, ‘Boy, I wish I had known.’”
The superheroes who can help you navigate divorce could include:
- A certified divorce financial analyst
- An attorney
- An accountant
- A therapist
As a coach, Winder-Adams suggested that women get clarity about what they want or need to do next. That could be working part time, full time, starting a business, or taking advantage of a program that helps retrain older employees for the workforce. While it can be scary and overwhelming, you’ve got options.
4. Change your Beneficiaries—Stat
One thing you need to do ASAP: update your estate planning documents. It’s one thing to have your ex as an emergency contact. It’s another to drop dead and have them get your hard-earned money because you failed to change the beneficiaries on your financial accounts (yikes). Update your will, the beneficiaries on all of your accounts, and any other estate planning documents so your money goes where you want it to.
Your Next Chapter Starts Now
Gray divorce is messy, painful, and expensive—but it’s also proof that women over 50 refuse to settle for a life that doesn’t fit anymore.
You’re not selfish for leaving, you’re strategic. Walking away protects your future self, your health, and your shot at joy. Yes, money matters. But the biggest payoff is freedom—and the chance to write your own next chapter on your own damn terms.
And that feeling? Priceless.
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