Image: Eglė Plytnikaitė
A few weeks ago, I wrote about why feminism doesn’t retire when we hit midlife. But manifestos are just words. From leather and napkins to pizza and sidewalks—this is your tactical guide to everyday rebellion.
Because fighting sexism doesn’t always require a megaphone. Sometimes it just takes a death stare and refusal to move aside that makes a man flinch.
Once upon a time, being a feminist meant you had to storm the Capitol, burn your bra, and fight the patriarchy while wearing heels and not breaking a sweat.
But when you reach middle age, it’s … weird. You might still burn your bra (accidentally while trying to light a scented candle), but your boobs are fighting gravity while you wear Spanx and try not to break a hip. You have stronger opinions than ever and the experience to back them up, yet society has decided that you’re invisible.
Screw that.
Feminism in middle age is now more about working smarter, not harder.
Do you have to attend large-scale protests? No. You never know about the availability of a clean bathroom. Do you have to (intentionally) burn your bra? No. Because they’re so damn expensive, and as you’ve learned, you can’t be trusted with fire.
Enter microfeminism.
This isn’t performative activism. It’s about everyday moments: not smiling when told to, refusing to step aside on the sidewalk, taking the last slice of pizza. This is the real feminism that keeps us sane and seen. And if we play our cards right, at home on the couch by 8 p.m. with a nice glass of wine.
Quit Training for the Emotional Obligation Olympics
Smiling is great—when you see a puppy. But when random men tell you to do it? No obligation to grin out of panicked politeness. Simply take a sip of your latte, tilt your head slightly, and gently shake your head. That look alone will make anyone rethink their life choices.
Sexist humor? Don’t engage. Offer the emotional taser of a death stare that says, “I’m not going to laugh. But I am going to keep this moment hidden in the depths of my soul to never be forgotten.”
Stop Apologizing for Existing
We’ve become accustomed to apologizing as a default. “Sorry I accidentally sneezed during the Zoom call,” “Sorry I asked a question that required an answer,” “Sorry, coffee table, for bumping into you in the middle of the night when I got up to pee for the third time.”
Now? We take up space, have opinions and ideas that (still) matter, and don’t have to make others feel better about their insecurities. Stop apologizing when you don’t have to.
Unless you accidentally step on your cat’s tail. Full apology. All the tears. Completely valid.
Make Self-Care Your Side Hustle
Self-care in midlife isn’t just about massages and bubble baths (although you shouldn’t pass those up either). It’s about intentional boundaries and unapologetically owning your choices. Say no to unnecessary obligations and yes to more things you actually want to do—a cup of tea and a great book, binge-watching your favorite show, a power nap.
It’s not selfish. It’s knowing what you need, when you need it, and not being afraid to take it.
Dye Your Hair. Eat the Cookie.
If you had a dollar for every time you’ve received an ad for an anti-aging product or “mature” fashion, you’d have enough money to close the gender wage gap. Despite what a 24-year-old influencer tries to tell you, getting older isn’t a problem that you have to fix or a box you have fit into.
Want Botox and purple hair? Go for it. Prefer to go gray and au natural? Do it. Wear a sports bra. Rock leather pants. No, you won’t change before the HOA meeting because Brad down the street might not like it. Don’t pass up dessert to fit into a certain size. Dig in—for you, and not for approval. You’ve earned it.
Flip the Traditional Script
Even the most progressive partner can fall back into traditional gender roles. It’s not your job to oblige—or to obstinately object—but to subtly remind him that it’s not 1960 anymore.
If you can spend two hours on YouTube to learn how to caulk a sink, he can learn how to make his own doctor appointment. If he asks, “Do we have any more napkins?” you don’t have to tell him for the millionth time they’re kept in the pantry next to the pasta. Where they’ve always been. For years. Instead respond with, “That’s a great question,” and then continue watching Top Chef. “What’s for dinner?” Another great question. To ask him. Since you’ve made dinner the last two weeks.
Resistance is a dish best served cold—by your partner. On alternate nights.
Microdose Meeting Misogyny
If we’ve really “come a long way, baby,” your male co-workers should have no problem being volunteered to take meeting notes, planning office celebrations, and acknowledging that your opinion isn’t a trampoline they can jump right into. When you’re interrupted while speaking, a professional: “Thanks Dave, but I wasn’t done. I’ll be happy to hear your thoughts after I wrap things up,” will cement your place as the Beyoncé of board meetings.
And that last slice of pizza during the catered work lunch? Just because the men are eyeing it doesn’t mean you should politely ignore the voice in your head that whispers, “You did 90 percent of the group project. Take it. Enjoy it.” So you do—and it tastes like pepperoni and power.
Master the Art of Patriarchy Chicken
Sometimes resistance isn’t subtle. It’s staring the patriarchy dead in the eye and refusing to blink—usually on the sidewalk or in aisle three of the grocery store.
You’re walking. A man starts approaching you from the other direction, assuming you’ll swerve to avoid the collision and accommodate his manspreading mojo. Not today, my friend. Not today. You hold your position. He holds his. You never break eye contact. He flinches. He swerves, and avoids crushing his shoulder but not his ego. Patriarchy Chicken—and microfeminism—for the win.
Support Other Women Like the Bra You Refuse to Burn
Compliment a woman at the farmers market. Tell the home cook on Instagram you’re sharing her recipe. Become a hypewoman for a coworker when Jeff tries to talk over her. Again. (Get it together, Jeff.)
And don’t forget about the young women who could benefit from your wisdom—the intern, your niece, the college student crying into her soy latte at Starbucks because a man broke her heart.
Tell them they can do anything a man can do, but they’ll be paid 86 cents for every dollar he earns. So know your worth. Refuse to settle. Have your voice heard. And always pack snacks.
This isn’t about rebellion for rebellion’s sake. Each small act—when stitched together—can create a powerful movement that helps to rewrite the rules we’ve been taught to obey.
The Power of Quiet Resistance
To the outside world a new hair color or piece of pizza might not look like sweeping feminist actions. But those in the know—and in menopause—understand that feminism doesn’t have to be loud. Everyday acts of resistance add up to something much bigger. More power. More agency. More change. More ownership of who you are without apology or explanation. It matters—because we still matter—and the world deserves to see it.
We may not be burning our bras, but we are quietly taking down the patriarchy—one well-timed death stare at a time.
I love this. And women supporting women. Let’s do it!
This holds true in spades when you’re PAST midlife — you can be you at 70 or 80 and remind your younger friends (they’re all younger) that you got where you are by being yourself and not letting the men get away with their usual bullshit.
I now sit through Rotary neetings (our club is mostly younger women, BTW) without standing or acknowledging the ridiculous Pledge of Allegiance beginning every meeting because it’s been forever since we had “freedom and justice for all.” No one has challenged me, and I suspect they are afraid to….
You never know what another woman is going through. Always lift them up when you can! I learned this from my Mom – she would compliment other women on the regular and often made someone’s day. What does that cost – to say something nice or kind or uplifting when you probably thought it anyway? Nothing – it costs nothing to put a smile on someone’s face. Even if I don’t even know them and all I do is drop the compliment and turn and walk away. I know it makes my day if I get a rando compliment from a stranger. Just Do It 🙂
Exactly! I think so many women think these things, but for whatever reason we’ve had it engrained in us to keep them to ourselves. Or we’re insecure about how that person will react. But as you know, saying it can make all the difference to the person receiving it. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. We appreciate you!
Absolutely lift other women up. Even compliment a woman you pass on the street! We are profiled as being caddy with one another. It’s time to lay that myth to rest.
Exactly! When it’s genuine, it can absolutely make someone’s day—and they might even pay it forward.
I worked for many years in what was then a male dominated field (EMS). I had to “knuckle up” and become a formidable force early on in my career. Was I labeled a bitch, and hard to work with sometimes? Yes! Did I also have to prove I could pull my weight? Yes. So I did. And I did it with a don’t fuck with me attitude. Do I regret it? No. Women NEED to be able to take up space and be heard. In retirement I still continue to take that attitude with me every day.
I love it! You’re exactly the kind of reader we want to hear from, as you inspire us all to own it and take up the space we’ve earned.
Love this article. I believe that a true, died in the wool feminist, such as myself, doesn’t need to put men down. But we DO need to lift women up. A compliment about her beautiful skirt, a comment about how patient she;s being with her children, acknowledging her contibution to a business, a family, a community, etc. Awhile back at the hair salon, I complimented a very young woman who told me she was “just the shampoo girl”. “Not true”, a told her, “YOU are the shampoo girl, and you’re really great at it. And the business would not suceed without a really great shampoo girl'” She’s now a colorist who trains the new shampoo ladies and tells me she always tells them what I said to her that day. Lift a woman, (or 2 or 3) up today.
Absolutely! There is no “just” anything if you work hard and try at whatever it is you’re doing. And the smallest things—thanking people, sharing a genuine compliment, etc.—can have such a tremendous impact. (Like you leaving a comment on this post!) Thanks for reading and being a part of our community.