This piece was written by one of our dear readers—a woman with something real to say. Each month, we handpick the best submissions for Dear Reader because we’re after that PROVOKED bite: truth, intelligence, and heart. These stories come from women our age—women who’ve lived enough to know better and still care enough to tell it anyway. Because being seen and heard matters. Because storytelling is how we stitch ourselves to one another. And because when one woman speaks her truth, another finally recognizes her own. — Susan Dabbar, Editor-in-Chief
Women have been told to adapt—to pain, to dismissal, to systems that were never built around our bodies. The problem was never us. It was the data.
My client sat across from me in tears, frustrated and angry. Perimenopause was eroding her sex drive. She’d gone to her gynecologist for options to fix her libido. And the response?
A shrug dressed up as medicine.
“It’s just what happens.”
And still, that wasn’t why she was crying. A week after her appointment, her husband went to his primary care physician. He was dealing with erectile dysfunction. In one appointment, he left with multiple choices—medication, dosage options, follow up.
That’s why she was upset. Her husband had lots of options to deal with his issue, while hers were discounted and she was left with “just deal with it.”
That was my “Are you f*cking kidding me?” moment.
Because when we compare both stories side by side, we should all be angry. One body is studied, optimized, and treated as worth helping. The other is ignored, waved off, and dismissed.
When Data Decides Who Matters
This wasn’t about one bad doctor. It’s a system doing exactly what it was designed to do, because research isn’t neutral and has never been. Medical research defaults to male bodies as the standard. Conditions affecting men are addressed more often. Symptoms are identified based upon how men experience them. Pharmaceutical trials are conducted primarily on men. Treatments are approved with male physiology as the baseline.
Why is this? Are women simply considered not as important?
Historically, we’ve been told to be quiet, tolerate pain, and that our bodies’ purpose is to produce children, so is that part of this discrepancy? Or are we simply considered “too complicated” and “inconvenient research subjects” with our hormones acting as “noise” rather than data? This isn’t good science. It’s just lazy.
The result? A medical culture that knows how to research and respond to men’s issues, but not to those of women.
And sadly, the research inequity doesn’t stop with medical research and care.
Designed for Men—With Women as an Afterthought
Crash test dummies are based on the average male body. Seatbelts, airbags, and safety standards are optimized for men. This means that women are more likely to be injured or killed in car accidents, not because we’re worse drivers, but because the data doesn’t include us. In fact, the first crash test dummy based on actual female physiology was only created in the past few years and won’t be required to be used by automobile manufacturers until 2027-2028.
Tired of being teased at work that you’re always cold? Well, it’s no wonder. HVAC and building systems are designed based on research from the 1960s that optimized ideal temperature settings for male physiology.
Drug trials are no different. As women, we’ve been using prescription medicines that were never adequately tested on female bodies, leading to higher rates of adverse effects. Even dosage recommendations are based on male metabolism, with women told to adjust when things go wrong.
For conditions specific to women, the research is lacking or non-existent. The first year that actual human blood was used to test menstrual product absorbency was 2023. That’s not just about women’s comfort; it also led to more data regarding menstrual abnormalities. And menopause? For something that half the population experiences, the research is scant at best. It was only in 2025 that black box warnings were removed from menopause hormone therapies because of updated research.
When Neglect Starts to Feel Normal
This is about more than a lack of intelligence or capability. It’s about whose health, comfort, and lives matter enough to fix.
And this framing infiltrates how we view and talk about ourselves. If society in general—and research specifically—don’t think we’re “worthy,” maybe we should “just deal with it”? This bullsh*t perspective happens when an entire research system teaches you that your suffering is unremarkable.
Reclaiming What We Were Taught to Doubt
Here’s what every woman needs to remember, including you.
First, common doesn’t mean unavoidable. If something affects 50 percent of the world’s population, that doesn’t make it fate. What it means is that no one invested in figuring out how to prevent it or how to treat it.
Second, silence is a red flag. When we don’t have answers or options, and when what we hear are simply platitudes, that’s a clue to what (or who) hasn’t been prioritized. Entire areas of women’s lives have been underfunded, understudied, or treated as niche interests instead of central human experiences. This absence of solutions isn’t because we’re complicated. It’s about what hasn’t been seen as worth solving.
Third, our lived experiences aren’t “anecdotal.” Anecdotal is simply a cop out for “We didn’t bother to look.” Women have described the same issues and patterns for decades, and they were simply ignored. When enough women are reporting the same thing, it’s not a coincidence; it’s data that wasn’t collected or valued. So track symptoms. Notice patterns. Bring specifics. Keep talking until someone listens. While you shouldn’t have to build a case to be taken seriously, this approach can protect you in systems that weren’t built with you in mind.
And finally, this isn’t weakness or complaining. Wanting your body, your mind, your comfort, your desire, and your energy to work well across your lifespan isn’t unrealistic.
The problem isn’t women expecting too much. The problem is a research culture built around male bodies and male timelines, with women added as an afterthought, if at all.
Once we embrace this, shame and guilt fall away. They’re replaced with clarity and, yes, anger … the useful kind.
It’s All About Power
Because this is simply about power. It’s about who gets studied and gets solutions, and who’s told to adapt to neglect.
Research reflects priorities. And for a very long time, women weren’t one of them.
That doesn’t mean we accept it anymore.
